Doubt is a nasty thing

See...
There's a discrepancy between reality and what I would like to believe...

Doubt is nasty thing... I'm being taught about it. It's amazing how easily fall into doubts after all the things that I witness up to today....after all the miracles.. makes me wonder how much more does God has to proof his love for me.
I doubted my ability to complete the assignments, yet I did by His grace and did well.
I doubted that I will be able to support my self, yet I am supporting myself..
I doubted that I can do any good for my young clients, yet I do provided them comfort...even it was just for 20 mins in a week.
the big one was last week... I was beginning to wonder if all that 'calling' was real... I seemed to be so isolated from everyone that all that happened in Singapore seemed so far away and unreal. Plus, I haven't talk to Sr A or Sr V.. because both were busy with death in the family.
Yet, yesterday at mass.. I was reminded through Zacchaeus...in a simple mass... about my encounter with God's love and mercy. After I received Jesus' body and blood... I was just sitting there... overwhelmed with gratitude.... it was so overpowering that for a split second... I want nothing else but just be with God.

So God's calling is real isn't it?
Then... why He made me wait? I don't get this part... why does God amplify my desire if I'll have to wait...
But I guess, no on knows too...